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My dad died last night. Goodbye, Pop.

My dad

Sep. 26th, 2014 10:50 am
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I returned home yesterday afternoon after a long week at my parents’ place in Florida. My dad is dying. The last year has taken a hard toll from him, and he is in heart failure. My sister has become a medical co-surrogate, and is trying to arrange proper power of attorney, hospice or assisted living or hospital care, while home schooling her kids and covering her own house. With this latest hospital visit, his 6th in 6 months, he decided he wants nothing more than to die at home, with his Mary(my mom).

Last week, I went down to Naples to get my parents’ house prepared for in-home hospice care, get dad settled in, help coordinate alternative respite help, legal stuff, calls to hospice, calls to my sister, calls to other family members, calls to insurance companies, calls to work. Calls and more calls. I wanted to shoulder and do as much as I could in the limited amount of time that I would be down there, so I went prepared for anything. The only thing that I wasn’t prepared for was the lack of good cellphone signal, which was really frustrating at times.

Speaking of my mother, who is a stubborn, stubborn woman, she has tried to hold up, take care of him, not tell us all the info, and sort-of-but-not-really take care of herself. She is emotionally and physically spent, barely eating, and mostly props herself up with drinking at night to hold back the crying. When I got there Saturday, she crumpled into me and sobbed. It was a little shocking to see her be this vulnerable, how small she is now, a thin, seemingly hollow-boned woman, a lot more frail and scared than a year ago, while trying to still be so proud.

On the subject of dad, he is at his final stage, more or less. He has had extreme low sodium issues, dementia-like symptoms, and sleep apnea that has placed an enormous strain on his heart. He hasn’t been sleeping well for 4 or more years, and when he goes to sleep, his heartbeat has gotten so low that his brain sends a jolt of adrenaline to speed his heart back up, jolting him back awake, and that has strained his heart too much. At the time I left yesterday, he is bed-ridden, sometimes combative, sometimes hallucinating, mostly sleeping. With the arthritis, the bed sores, and the shortening muscles and tendons causing pain, I think the sleeping is probably a blessing. Mom and I took turns adjusting him in the bed, rearranging sheets, rearranging the catheter(He keeps playing with his “privates), feeding him, or helping him feed himself, chatting with him when lucid enough, wipe him off, bathing, etc.

I had to come back yesterday, for I couldn’t keep work at bay any longer. Bastian asked every day when he would get daddy time, and when he could go back to daddy’s house, which was sweet. My sister’s husband Drew is going down today from Tampa to visit with my mom, and talk about legal and other options, and my sister will go back down soon. At this point, we are all on an emotional/spiritual vigil, regardless of where we are physically.

The most frustrating thing has been lack of all the information. My mom not telling us everything that has been going on for the last year has us behind the ball, and my sister and I are playing catch up. There is a saying that someone coined, the idea of at some point, the kids become the parents, and the parents become the kids. My mom is having a hard time with that one. The lack of consistent information from the hospice care place has been most frustrating, and has sometimes left us in a scramble. We’ve managed to keep up with my dad’s needs, at least, but we’re still trying to come up with better methods for my mom’s needs.

As far as how I feel about all this? I’m holding up OK. I am very sad about the whole thing. He wasn’t the best dad, he wasn’t the worst dad, but he is my dad, and I love him. He was a workaholic all my life, so I didn’t see him much. He tried to play catch-up with me a little late in life, and so lost making as deep a connection as he would have liked. He didn’t take care of himself, and he knew what he was doing(or wasn’t doing) to his health, and he didn’t seem to mind, so I also think it a real waste. He could have been a rather spry and healthy 73, instead of the condition he’s in now. His birthday is in 4 days, and I hope we get to celebrate just one more. I’m a little worn out, too, from multiple drives down there and back in the last few months, phone calls back and forth to all manner of people, prep work, etc. I have kept pretty quiet about what’s been going on, but after this trip, I need to put some of this down somewhere. It’s been a rough spring and summer, for a few reasons, but I’m trying my best to do better by myself.
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It was a rather expensive holiday season, though not because of conventional gift-buying. To Declan and Bastian, it was a huge Christmas, what with me moving back into the house. For those of you not in the know, here is a quickie sum-up: Sarah asked for a divorce back in October of 2011, I moved out in February of last year, and we'd done a decent job of dividing time with the kids. There have certainly been a number of bumps along the way, ideas of co-parenting, the boys' adjusting, even views of how each other is living their lives, but we've done an ok job of communicating what and when as necessary, and moving on with our lives.

When it comes to my choice to move back in, it boils down to a few things. Her relationship with the boys, and the house they lived in, were falling apart, and it was becoming increasingly difficult to try to handle things from a distance. Although I loved living on my own, and was doing fine in that regard, the boys weren't happy, and seeing the situation they were in, I wasn't happy, either. I moved back in to provide consistency, and stability, for my sons, and to make sure that all the work that I do, and have done, for myself and for them, doesn't get thrown away. I made it clear to Sarah and the boys that I was moving back in as a housemate, not that we were getting back together, and everyone has been on board. For those of you who know me, I have a nasty habit of playing the martyr, and taking care of everyone else, except myself, and this is a big, red flag to anyone that I'm falling back into old habits. I agree that this could end up just that way, but I've learned and grown a LOT in the last 2 years, and have done a pretty good job of seeing the flags, and doing something about them. The boys have been so happy since I moved in, and things have already started to change for the better, and I've still kept in touch with people, still been doing things for myself, and Sarah and I have been able to be housemates, and to be better in co-parenting.

In other news, yes, Danielle and I are no longer together. This summer, I got invited to, and went to, Transformus, going to a burn when I wasn't ready, emotionally, mentally, or physically, and I was a really selfish fuck, and hurt a few people. Danielle was one of those people, and while we made up, it was never the same. A situation came up a few months later, and while I wasn't being selfish nor cruel, I wasn't as communicative with Danielle as I should have, given the recent past, and she took things further than she should have, and it was one thing too many, for both of us. She had expectations of our relationship that I was never going to be able to fulfill. I couldn't help her to gain the closure from her past relationship, couldn't erase the bad memories, couldn't surpass her past with him. For my part, I am also damaged goods, being a divorced father of two, building an entirely new life, and can only give so much to any relationship, with loads of communication issues from that marriage. That alone may have doomed our relationship in any case(I >think< we could have worked it through, my own madness, notwithstanding), and although we tried hard to overcome the expectations, we both failed. I miss her a lot, and love her a lot, and I hope that at some point we can have some sort of friendship, at least.

After using the last month recuperating from the move, the expenditures, as well as the holiday, I have been getting back into spending time out of the house. Hanging out with people such as Tim, Jessica, Michaela, and the new baby, Janiene, Lydia, Clove, Deedra & Amy, and others, all has been wonderful. The last couple of years has really taught me the difference between friends, acquaintances, and people I'd rather not be around, as well as what is MY responsibility, and what is THEIRS.

I've also been getting more deeply involved in the Atlanta urban exploration scene. I've always loved crawling and climbing around abandoned places, warehouses, homes, barns, amusement parks, etc., and especially as a photographer, the whole ethos of photograph all, but touch nothing(paraphrasing), takes it up a level. As a kid, I would climb through the skeletons of houses being built, up and down trees, through drainage tunnels, caves, you name it. This, to me, is a natural extension of scratching that itch.

As far as the Atlanta burn scene goes, I pick and choose what little I get involved in with that, nowadays. I've gone to a couple of things, events I normally haven't gone to in the past, and it's been really good to get out of the normal zone of people I've been involved in. Outside of Atlanta, this summer showed me that I had a lot of shit to work through before I go back to a burn. This year, I have only planned to go to Reclaimation, up in Kentucky, but I may not go to a burn at all, and just go anywhere, get out and see more of the nation at large. I haven't done that in a long time.

So, a lot that has happened, a lot more than I've even begun here, and this year is going to be INTERESTING.
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Yes, it's true: Sarah and I are getting a divorce. In light of a growing number of conversations that involve some knowledge, some confusion, and some erroneous assumptions, I thought it past time to make it public. We hadn't liked or respected each other for years, and divorce is the only, and best, recourse for us at this point. I am moved to my own place, and Sarah's staying at the old house. The boys have acclimated pretty well, I think, and love the new place, which is as good as I hoped for. We share time with Declan & Bastian as equally as possible, and it is working well.

This is a new life, certainly a new way of living, and I'm adjusting to it pretty well, most things considered. My new place has a bit of that college dorm chique, style-wise, but it's cute, it's colorful, and it's coming together. It's back in the "old neighborhood", where Declan has friends he knows and likes, and he liked the neighborhood before, so it was a good call going back there, and as well, I have several friends and acquaintances who are very close by.

I want to say thanks to the well-wishing, the advice, and the ears to vent to, regardless of association and affiliation. It has been sobering and eye-opening, and I appreciate the warmth, the doses of reality, and the lack of fear. You rock. This will be an interesting year, to say the least.
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I've been counseling people a lot over the last few months about poly this and poly that. Questions about how I handle mulitple threads in my life, how I handle them with my wife, how it works with kids, etc. I've had so much interest of late that I thought it a good time to solidify this on(digital) paper, if for no other reasons than to serve as a reminder to myself(and hopefully, others) to always remember, to hold myself accountable to what I say. A lot of what I'm going to say works for both sides, poly or mono. This past summer and early fall has been strange, and difficult, and even wonderful, with my own interpersonal estrangements with my immediate family, challenges to my marriage, my status as a parent, and even ability as a lover. I have doled out to many people what I consider to be fairly good advice, and I have failed to practice a lot of what I preach for a while. To those that I've given counsel, I will in advance ask for your forgiveness if part of what you read seems hypocritical in the difference between my words and actions. Last thought before I dive in: Anything said here is each persons' own beliefs and ideals, nothing is set in stone, and by no means am I saying this is the only way to live. Be perfect in your imperfections, in your own way, and all that.

Not to sound narcicisstic, but poly, whether amorous, sexual, or fidelitous, is really all about the self. Sure, the word poly means many, many loves, many partners, many friends of differing flavors, but it is all about you. In my opinion, a successful poly lifestyle can only be gained when you confront those childhood fears, deal with each insecurity as it comes to the surface, and try to live as honestly and responsibly as possible. You cannot control anyone else's actions, feelings, or thoughts but your own. My wife, [ profile] isarma, effectively summed up an idea of 3 simple rules to live by: 1. Have fun, 2. Be honest in your communication, and 3. Be responsible. This works for any walk of life, but certainly for the poly lifestyle, and especially to this particular point. If you can't accept yourself as you are, if you can't be ready or able to grow, if you can't take responsibility for your actions, then you'll never be able to accept the individuality in your lover(s).

Something said earlier was about control. You will never effectively be able to control your lovers, not how they feel, how they act, how they fuck, etc. Your biggest choice/challenge is to accept that the choices he or she is making are the right ones for them. To that end, if things go badly in their outside relationships, all you can do is be there for them. This is not to say that you can't have your own opinions about a situation or person, but have your feelings about it, voice those feelings if necessary, and let them decide on their own how they handle said people and situations from there. Exceptions can be in matters of health, such as if you and your current partner don't use any protection, and he or she decides to get involved with someone who has known risky sexual practices, but even then all you can do is limit the level of contact you have with your partner. I.E., you decide to start using condoms if you feel that you've been put at risk for something, as well as possibly limiting the level of emotional intimacy for some period of time. also, if your partner's emotional/mental decisions get so far out of your comfortability zone, you can always remove yourself from the situation or relationship, but bullying them into leaving another partner so that you can stay together is always asking for trouble. In my experience, human beings quite often have to experience things for themselves to be able to make a "right" decision about any given situation. Your level of personal responsibilty is under your control, and no one else's, and vice-versa.

The poly life is all about choice and freedom, as well as responsibility. Every poly-minded person has the freedom to interact, to share, to indulge, to discourse and have intercourse. No one person can satisfy your every like and desire and area of interest. This is, in my opinion, a great positive for poly. You may have cetain interests, say horror movies , with one partner, while another may fulfill that desire to cliff jump. It can be mundane, it can be literary, sexual, whatever. You may find that, if you try to put all of your eggs in one basket with one lover, then you will end up frustrated and even lonely. Expecting your lover to like everything you do, to do everything you do, to want everything you do, is just silly, and at worst, can lead to growing apart.

Jealousy is one of the unfortunate mainstays in the poly life. You are going to be confronted with the feeling, possibly often. For me, jealousy stems from something wrong in me, not the other person. Getting jealous about a feeling, a person, a situation, that my lovers are experiencing, has been brought about by a couple of things: First, it brings up a past hurt or feeling of loss in my own life/relationships. Second, it can be the childlike feeling of "Aw, man! That's so cool, I want to be involved too!" While the second seems less dangerous, they both can be destructive. This doesn't mean that jealousy can't be turned into a positive thing. You feel it, that probably means that it brought up something you weren't aware of, and so dealing with it when it happens and overcoming it is making good out of a bad situtation. Jealousy and the need to control often go hand in hand, and can lead to a number of destructive situations, like feeling threatened by a partner's lover(or even potential lover), and possibly trying to control who they see, when they see them, and so on. It is something that you once again choose/are challenged to either overcome or get swept away by, and I've seen it and experienced it first hand destroy good relationships, as well as stop good relationships from ever getting off the ground.

Here's where my failings come in to play. I have definitely grown over the years that I've been poly, and have come to terms with a number of things that I used to get very uncomfortable about. Unfortunately, those things that I haven't dealt with, or have been stuffed down, or things that I have sacrificed, have come to a head recently, and those have affected my poly life dramatically. I have a martyr complex to the degree that I give up parts of myself for the "greater good", whatever that is, and I also find that I will often put myself out there so much for others so that I don't have to deal with myself and my issues. I also have communication issues, specifically with my wife, but with others to a smaller degree, where I will hold stuff in, I will not be vulnerable, and essentially not be available. These are things that I've had issues with for most of my life. I discovered that the martyr problem may stem from dealing with my drunk of a mother for so many years, refusing to deal with her, help her in any way, to ignore, her, and that may have left some survivor's guilt? to wanting to help others all the time, even to the detriment of myself. The point I'm trying to make here is that, because I have not been taking care of myself, because I have not been dealing with my own shit, being comfortable with me, that it has bled over into my poly life. I have avoided overcoming my shortcomings to the point where I have burnt myself out, and made dents in my poly relationships that may take a long time to recover from.
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Declan and I will be at Dragoncon all day Sunday. He hasn't been since he was 2. He got to see the parade yesterday with a friend, wearing his Venom costume, and was so enthusiastic in his descriptions of all that he saw, I thought it time for him to go back. He doesn't remember being photographed by the cute Scandanavian couple when he was 18 mos. old, wearing a blue pajama outfit with angel wings, nor does he remember running around cheering us on as we performed as Trybalaka, or even when he was kissed and cooed at by Nichelle Nichols, the bald blue chick from Farscape, or even Ray Park.

He'll be sporting one of his favorite costumes as Robin. I'll be sporting my House look, with my cane and scruffy appearance(although not actually a costume). Give me a call at 678-294-9649 if you want to meet up and say hey.
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In keeping with my accidental series on obscure foreign bands/songwriters, I happened upon Colin Hay(formerly Colin James Hay) the other day. He was the frontman/guitarist for Men At Work, which had the shortest discography of a grammy award-winning supergroup I've heard of. They only released 3 albums over 7 years, and only the first 2 really charted. The band was considered aussie reggae/rock, although the reggae part didn't click until I got into The Police and then it all fell into place. I literally melted the first vinyl I had of "Business As Usual" from playing over and over. I would listen to "Overkill", and "Be Good Johnny" while air drumming and singing until I went hoarse. I never considered that any of them would have move on to solo careers until I happened upon a CD of Colin James Hay in a 99¢ bin at Turtle's back in '91 titled "Lookin' for Jack". I was immediately struck interested by the album, though it took me another couple of months before I actually listened to it. When I did, I was taken back and propelled forward at the same time. Mostly the same sound and feel, but updated and more modern. Great album, and I am still saddened that I lost it. A great introduction to a different sort of songwriter/singer. His lyrical style, as well the lyrics themselves, are a little off-beat in a refreshing way. Somewhere after his first solo album he decided to go mostly acoustic, and I think it bettered his sound. He even has acoustic versions of songs "Overkill" and "Down Under" that are as good as the electronic versions. These versions you can hear on differing episodes of "Scrubs", as the writers of the show, as well as Zach Braff, are devout fans. Albums I recommend are "Peaks & Valleys" and "Topanga".

Other down under artists that I love are Split Enz and Crowded House. They are acutally from New Zealand, not Australia; got to have the distinction in, or I may get hate mail. Split Enz started out as a progressive art-rock band in 1971, the year of my birth, and had 2 different phases, the REALLY artsy-progressive phase, and the less artsy, more commercial phase. The lineup included Tim Finn, who later went on to have a fairly successful solo career, and later on his brother Neil, who later started the band Crowded House. The Finn brothers headed up the band during its less art conscious period, and I am more of a fan of the less artsy side.

The band was up-and-coming in the early 80's after the release of "I Got You", off the album "True Colours", which was modest, but fierce, and caught my ear in mid 1984 along with the likes of Depeche Mode, OMD, The Stooges, 7 Seconds, The Vandals, and Youth Brigade. I immediately searched far and wide(as it was hard to find some of their albums) for anything I could find. Albums like "Time and Tide", "Frenzy", "Corroboree"("Waiata" here in the states), and "Conflicting Emotions" were little gems for me, getting too much play in my boombox for almost 2 years straight.

I learned about the breakup of Split Enz in '85 perusing an issue of Rolling Stone in my high school library freshman year, waiting for homeroom to begin. I didn't have long to feel sad, for in 1986, Neil Finn and Split Enz drummer Paul Hester formed Crowded House with bassist Nick Seymour. The band quietly exploded onto the scene with songs like "Don't Dream It's Over" and "Something So Strong", while I was in love with songs like "That's What I Call Love" and "World Where You Live". I haven't been as obsessed with Crowded House as I was with Split Enz, but I suppose that's aging for you. I think that Neil Finn's songwriting matured from Split Enz to the new band, and With later songs like "Into Temptation" I have made many a woman cry, grab hold of my collar(my shirt, not my bondage contract), and kiss me with abandon, amazed and impassioned by my "sensitivity". Thanks, Neil, for all the wet memories. They broke up somewhere around '96, and I didn't hear much about them except for little snippets here and there, such as a song on the Reality Bites soundtrack. Earlier this year I found out that they have gotten back together with a new drummer(Paul Hester, sadly having committed suicide in 2005), have a new album out, "Time On Earth", which is pretty good, did a limited tour, and will be back in the studio soon for a new album in the next year. Sweet.
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Yesterday I spoke my love for harmonies in songs. Anyone who followed my brief musical career knows that one of my strengths lies in coming up with crazy harmonies for lyrics. In keeping with that, I wanted to introduce you to a band from Germany that has lain in obscurity for the most part here in the States. This is another unsung band that has had minimal success here in the melting pot, but at least thankfully has blossomed in Europe. Münchener Freiheit is their name, more commonly known here simply as Freiheit.

Think back to 1989(if you can). The year I graduated high school was a memorable one, for may reasons. Living Colour was crunching and riffing their way into cultural consciousness with "Vivid", Star Trek: The Next Generation had become THE scifi thing to watch, the Berlin Wall came down, and John Cusack and Ione Skye starred in a teenage masterpiece of love and drama called Say Anything.

To say that Cameron Crowe is a great director is to simply speak the truth albeit a bit understated. In much the same vein as John Hughes idealizes a snapshot of life that will have you watching their movies over and over again. Hughes' movies were perfect for the 80's, when teenagers felt "OMGthisisEXACTLYportrayinghowi'mFEELING!" while watching Ferris or Bender or The Geek doing their teenage things, in situations that are coming of age moments. So to for Cameron Crowe's films, but even deeper and richer. His entire body of work has had some impact on aspects of people's lives. Fast Times at Ridgemont High, Say Anything, Singles, Almost Famous, Vanilla Sky, Elizabethtown? Christ! Of course, you can't forget Jerry Maguire(which I still haven't seen), or the impact it had on marriages and showing people things.

For Crowe, music and it's visceral impact on the listener play a large role in his films. This is something I can certainly appreciate. I watched Almost Famous with the sound muted once, and because I've watched it so often, I could "hear" the language as they spoke. This was a kind of test to see if music really did make an impact, and it was just not the same. It didn't suck, but wasn't as good without the background music, kind of like being color blind: The world may still be there, but it there is an aspect missing. He iterates in the liner notes for the soundtrack for Say Anything that music is a fundamental part of our lives, and that it helps shape and color the experiences we have in any given situation.

If you have missed Say Anything, then put it in your Blockbuster queue immediately. Mr. Cusack and Ms. Skye are electric onscreen, and the dawn boombox moment with Peter Gabriel singing Lloyd's heart to Diane will make even the staunchest stoic relax with sympathy. Just as in the Breakfast Club, it is a defining-moment-must-see, or any other cliche statement to get you to see it. The soundtrack is on par with the movie itself, using theme on top of theme, having such a mixture of pop, funk, ska, rock, and alternative(in the old classic sense). Joe Satriani, Ann Wilson, Cheap Trick, Depeche Mode, Fishbone, Red Hot Chili Peppers, The Replacements, Peter Gabriel, and of course, Freiheit.

The song is titled, "Keeping the Dream Alive." It is played quietly in the background during the party scene, and is not one of the big theme songs, so you might miss it if not paying attention. It immediately caught my attention for it sounded of George Harrison mixed with ELO, and both artists use harmonies to great effect. Freiheit is a group that uses harmonies to such a perfect blending in "Keeping the Dream Alive" that it gives me goosebumps every time I hear it. There is a moment in the climax of the song where it feels as though there is a 5 part harmony that gives me a thrill of chills down my back. It is one of those soft song of romance, of longing, of reminiscence, that has strings and flutes, as well as guitar and trap set. Sounds a tad sappy on paper like this, but bands like ELO used whole orchestras with much success mixed with rock beats back in the 70's.

The song is off their album "Fantasy", one of only a few they released in english. The largest success they had was from the Say Anything soundtrack, so sadly, their extraordinary vocal ranges are hard to find here in the states. If you have a chance to pick up at least "Fantasy", give it a try. Some of the music sounds dated, it was released in 1988, after all, but there are a few real gems on it as well.

I found an appearance of Freiheit performing "Keeping the Dream Alive" on a Danish TV station on YouTube: . Give it a listen, and hopefully you'll get goosebumps too. It looks as though they are lip synching, which has been happening since music was performed on television, so you'll have to forgive that, but the clothes! The clothes are so Miami Vice, it's great!
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Last year I fell in a short but intense love with the movie Garden State. I loved the mood, colors, the language, the ideas, and the odd natural-ness that it evoked. I briefly lauded Zack Braff as an unsung genius, before his head got so big and he wasn't so much fun to love. His writing ability was spot on in this movie, and I was caught by the look and feel, my eyes and mind immediately felt at home in that place and time. The characters were people that I went to school with, and even though I have never been to Jersey, I lived in the neighborhood. I drank beer with those people, popped and dropped some drugs with them at parties, and swam in my underwear(at the time briefs) with them.

One thing that I always unconsciously pay close attention with a film is the soundtrack, and will influence my like or dislike of a director as much as camera work, or lighting, or use of the word fuck. I'm not speaking of those enormous, sweeping, John Williams or Ennio Morricone single-writer scores, but the orgasmic miasma of music in films like Say Anything, Breakfast Club, Elizabethtown, Rush, and Garden State. If I am as aurally stimulated as optically, then I can be a fan forever. John Hughes, Cameron Crowe, Lili Zanuck, directors who really take stock of the effect a single song in a film can have on the viewer have kept me watching.

Back to Garden State: The end credit music was what made my head explode. "Let Go" was the song playing from the end into the fade-out into the credits, and I cried when I first heard it. Just an awesome song, in the classic sense of the word. I was struck, just having a spiritual experience with it. The artist is Frou Frou, a collaborative effort from Imogen Heap and producer/songwriter Guy Sigsworth. I immediately went to find and acquire the album, Details. Such a lush album, every song made me cry in one way or another. In a time when so much music just suck these days, so much so that I had retreated to the 70's listening to Pink Floyd, Rush, Utopia, Allman Brothers, etc, this was such an infusion of life for me. I shared this artist with [ profile] dv8dgrrl and made her cry to, so I felt justified in my tears of musical joy.

I was saddened to find that there was only the one album by Frou Frou, but I was absolutely delighted to find that Imogen Heap has been struggling and flowering in her own solo career for years! In the same flow as Ani Difranco and Sophie B. Hawkins, she's been one of those songwriters that has gone the route of self producing an promoting her albums, having been frustrated and burned with large record companies, with great success. I am listening to "Speak for Yourself" at the moment for the 8th time, and I only got the album yesterday. She's great for dancing, trancing, sex, and certainly for spinning. I also found a great DJ Tiesto mix of her song, "Hide and Seek" that almost perfectly counterpoints her vocoded a capella with a thumping dance beat. Check out her site at . She rocks.

Other artists that I have lauded to others about recently:
Sphongle: This is a great ambient sort of music, whether dance, trance, sex, long car rides, or just jumping up and down. Mixed up beats and themes. Great for spinning.

Jason Falkner: He was the guitarist for 90's group The Jellyfish, his solo career has moved beyond what was already a complex musical style. He does all the recording AND plays all the instruments himself, doing an exquisite job.

The Jellyfish: Blendings of Beatles, Beach Boys, and Queen make for a really interesting time with this band. Sadly, they only released two albums, Bellybutton and Split Milk, but they are a must listen to.

The Who: I have only recently come into getting any of their albums, and I have been hearing their music on the radio since birth. I have missed out on a lot of really good stuff by them; the one song that I can't stop listening to right now REALLY loud is "Eminence Front".

Toad the Wet Sprocket: Great band that never really got it's due, in my opinion. I have always been a sucker for good harmonies, and these guys make some really nice ones. The lyrics are deeper than you'd think, talking about issues that affect old and young, all the while wrapping it up in a really good melody.
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Bastian is growing madly. He's out of newborn diaper stuffs, some clothes, and is already trying to stand and walk. Madness. He's certainly developing a personality; I believe it started during the pregnancy. He would never kick while I had my hand on Sarah's belly, and he won't smile for me now. He knows! He taunts! He plays with my emotions. Way too cute, and cunning as well. He is SO like his mother.

I feel it necessary to blog about work. Things have gotten really odd there. The man who hired me on there, my former immediate boss/coworker, through a series of events over months, is no longer there, and I find myself the IT dept. Not a member of a team, but the whole department. Oddly enough, I am in charge without being in charge. Thankfully, there are only 60some people in the building, so it's not so hard to be the IT person.

Life is interesting right now.
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Tell me, tell me, tell me do.

1. Your Name:
2. Age:
3. Favorite position:
4. Do you think I'm cute?
5. Would you have sex with me?
6. lights on or off?
7. Would you have to be drunk?
8. Would you take a shower with me?
9. Have you ever thought about having sex with me?
10. Would you leave after or stay the night?
11. Do you like cuddling afterwards?
12. Condom or skin?
13. Have sex on the first date?
14. Would you kiss me during sex?
15. Do you think I would be good in bed?
16. Would you use me as a booty call?
17. Can I use you as a booty call?
18. Can we take pictures of the act?
19. How long would we have sex?
20. Would you tell your friends about me?
21. Will you post this so I can fill it out for you?
22. Can I un-screen your entry if it's cute/funny?
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As you have probably heard from [ profile] isarma's blog, we are parents once again. He is a huge bundle of joy, and we are excited and relieved. Don't let her fool you, however. her pain is nothing to mine. My arms and legs are screaming sore, much worse off than anything she could possibly be feeling.

I wanted to thank everyone who came and supported her, whether emotional or physical, through the birth. It was a rather short birth, as I started calling everyone together around 12:30 am, and Bastian was born at 4:29. Really nothing more than a late autumn get together, and instead of boring board games, we birthed a baby! Woohoo!

Anyways, things are pretty good here, Declan and Sarah are so happy the could pee themselves, Bastian is wonderful, and Sarah sits around topless all day. Could be worse.
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Last night I watched some of a show about scars and how they happened on MTV. I was flipping from Mindfreak, which is a real thrill-a-minute, and found a show that made me grind my teeth and my spine shiver and go, "Eeeewww!" over and over. It was one of the best shows I've seen on TV in some time.

Smallville is our latest dirty secret. We've gone back to our WB roots, sadly, and taken Declan with us. He likes parts of shows, rather than the whole thing, but it has become a family affair, a dinnertime treat.

Sarah is huge. With the way that this pregnancy has treated her so far, I sometimes think that she's going to crack apart physically, like a leg fall off, or the baby grow so large her pelvis fractures. I know, it's mostly paranoia, but an 18 lbs. baby does not seem that far off the mark.
stackingfire: (Default)
I will be in need of a new job soon. My printing company got bought by another printing company, and they are MUCH bigger than we were, and they already had their own IT infrastructure. As a result, I might be in need of something to move to soon. I am revamping and updating my resume, and am looking now for somewhere to go. Anyone have any good leads? I am looking for an IT position primarily, Help Desk or Admin or Engineer type position.
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I have learned a little about myself and poly in the last few months. Of course, in being with [ profile] isarma, I have had many poly experiences, whether through her, or on my own. I have been dating [ profile] dv8dgrrl for over a year now, with great success as well. I have had an experience lately that has definitely taught me a couple of other things about poly and considerations about the lifestyle.

I recently attempted to get involved in a situation, relationship? I'm not sure of the right word, but it was greatly disappointing. It was a situation where we both had enormous chemistry, but our orbits just never drifted close enough. We'd admitted to it, had kissed on occasion, but nothing other than that and a few short conversations. Things finally did drift close enough, and we had a date. One of the things discussed was our other relationships. She has other relationships as well, and we talked about rights and rules and freedoms. I am quite grateful that [ profile] isarma and I respect each other's decisions about potential partners, and there is no veto power, no 'no list'. Unfortunately, I was reminded that other people, other couples, other houses often don't see things as we do. We talked about how I was currently on a 'no list', but that this was something she felt important to pursue. I felt that it was best for her to talk to the other(s) involved in her relationship about her intentions before we went out again, so everyone could make an informed choice about what she and they wanted to do. She agreed, and we parted ways. I then heard from her few days later about getting together again, and I asked her about is she had the talk. She hadn't, and I reiterated to her about talking to her other partners. In the 2 months since, I haven't heard from her.

There is more behind this story, such as why I was on the 'no list' in the first place, or influences on her decision to not have the talk, or to not contact me again. None of this is based in talking to me, and that hurts. It is also disappointing and hurthful of the level of disrespect about this. I will admit, on the other hand, that I thought this situation a long shot, so I did put myself into this situation by choice, knowing that it might blow up on me. Still, it has hurt, and it has been on my mind. I considered stuffing this, but this past weekend has has several things that hit me on the head for even more reminders.
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